"Just Married"...NOT!

There I am dressed in high fashion riding gear of a derby hat, crisp white shirt, butter yellow vest, floor length brown suede skirt and riding boots. My companion, Jim, is dressed sharply in his top hat and black tuxedo-like suit with long coat tails. I am taking a turn driving the horse and six seat carriage on the highway. I don’t even have my driver’s license yet, so I’m a bit nervous. I am sure Pearl, the Belgium work horse, can sense it as I try to firmly hold the reins amid the honking, passing cars. As they go by, we hear things like “Congratulations!” “Woo Hoo!” and “Way to go!” being proclaimed. Puzzled, Jim and I look at each other. Then we remember. The “Just Married” sign is still hanging on the back. After a wide-eyed realization, we start to laugh at the absurdity the well-wishers are unaware of. I’m 15 years old. Jim’s considerably older than I, married, with three kids, whom I often babysit. Today, I’m filling in for his wife on a chartered horse drawn carriage ride for a wedding. We’d just finished driving the bride and groom to their wedding and reception. However, after waiting for two hours, the happy couple opted to stay at their reception longer and take a car home instead of the carriage. So we were anxious to get on the road and head home. And we forgot all about the sign.

Fast forward about six years. I am stressing over wedding plans and the strain is evident in my relationship. I pray for God to show me a sign IF I am NOT to marry him. He does. Disturbing things are brought to light about the ‘man of my dreams’. But everyone has flaws. It’s OK. I pray for another sign. And God delivers again, though not the answer I desire. I rationalize moving forward with all plans because we have been together over five years. He’s my high school, and beyond, sweetheart. I’ve planned my life out. We’re going to get married, I’ll get my teaching degree, we’ll have kids (specifically twins, preferably girls, names picked out), etc. I ignore the signs, but He adeptly works around my hesitation to obey. It’s the day of tuxedo and maid of honor dress fittings. I’m awaiting the call that my fiancé is on his way to pick me up. The call comes but it’s different. “We need to talk”, he says. In that moment I know. God has slammed on the brakes, since I didn’t. He has said NO! Wedding plans abruptly stop. Dreams are devastated. My heart is broken and my best friend is gone. Perhaps it would not have been so hard if I had just heeded the signs.

I take my broken heart, shattered dreams, and unraveled life plans to the One whom I know holds my future. That time was a harsh reminder that in fact it IS Jesus, not I, who needs to ordain my “plans”. God is a sign giver, a plan maker, and a promise keeper. His Word reflects a multitude of these aspects. How many times did Israel not heed the signs? They chose to wander in the wilderness rather than obey. How often have we done that as well? We choose ‘our way’ over His. And it sends us out into the wilderness, off His chosen path, into the briars and thorns of life that rip us up and turn us around, leaving us wounded and confused. Beloved, that is NOT God’s desire for His children. Jesus says in John 10:10 that He came so that we may have abundant life. If you have not yet chosen Christ, I pray you will. If you have strayed, you can return. Thankfully our God is a God of second, third, one hundred and more chances! We can never go from His reach (Ps. 139:7-8), however He will only come where invited (Rev. 3:20). 

I am so humbled and grateful for the many ‘chances’ I have had over the 18+ years that I’ve been on this journey of singleness, navigating signs, and seeking His way versus mine. I am not always successful in my obedience. Thankfully, His Word never stops showing me new signs. We all see signs everyday but what do we do with them? What signs is He showing you today? I encourage you to read, listen and obey those signs from God’s Word, that it may go well with you (Deut. 4:40), challenge you and grow you. From Second Peter 3:18, I pray that you will “…grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both for now and forever. Amen.”

This post was featured as a guest post on "Our Single Purpose", Sunday, January 13, 2013. 

http://oursinglepurpose.com/2013/01/13/just-married-not/  I look forward to writing for "Our Single Purpose" again in the near future. 

Wisdom in Our Integrity (Week 3 recap)

This past Sunday we covered quite a few chapters as we had no class on July 4th. I hope everyone had a great holiday! Thank you Lord for the freedoms in our country and for having your hand on it's inception!

Since we had a break, here are a few "class reminders":  1) Remember to be in touch with your accountability group every week by email, phone or snail mail. 2) Remember to journal...this will be wonderful for getting your thoughts down on paper NOW as you are reading. Jot down any verses that speak to you (many will!) and also jot down your thoughts, prayers, petitions to God about those passages in your journal. When you go back and read them later, it will be interesting to see what you said then and what you think presently when you re-read Proverbs, which I hope you will do time and time again! 3) Remember to pick out a verse or passage that is particularly special to you and MEMORIZE IT. We will recite these to each other in accountability groups each week, so the verse(s) you memorize will change weekly and should come from the current reading for the week. This way you can have 9 passages memorized over the course of our class. 4) Remember to designate a section of your journal or create a new book to serve as your Scripture Resource. Determine the titles that are accurate to the various passages you're reading, then jot down passages that relate to that title on that page in your journal. For example, this week I highlighted that Prv. 6:1-5 speaks to NOT becoming a co-signer for anyone on a loan. This clearly speaks to "financial wisdom", so on your journal page titled "Financial Wisdom", list this passage and a brief synopsis or description: "don't co-sign on a loan". Continue to do this with as many passages as you can, especially with those passages that speak to you, and you will develop a great reference of Scripture when issues arise. For more detail see paragraph 5 of the blog "Class 1 Recap" posting.

Sunday night we reviewed Proverbs 5-9 and discussed "Wisdom in Sexual Integrity" and "Wisdom in Relational Integrity." Chapters 5-7 have Solomon discussing the dangers of adultery and the lure of the harlot. He pleads to the reader to "drink water from your own cistern...let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth" in 5:15a, 18. In other words keep sex within your marriage and do not stray from it. Stay sexually pure before and during marriage so as to bring glory to God with how He designed marriage to be. We can all succumb to wandering eyes and impure thoughts. That's part of our sin-nature from birth. Work on keeping those eyes straight ahead (4:25) and guard your thoughts, what you see, what you say, what you do. Remember the little kids song "Be careful little eyes what you see"? Each verse of that song speaks about those body parts we mentioned last week that can bring sin into our hearts, minds, and lives. Yes we're all grown up now, but do not forsake the teachings of your youth. Those childhood lessons, songs, etc. still have application today for us as adults. We want to be sure to have integrity with our sexuality, whether married or single, and not end up like the harlot described in Chapter 7. Once we start sliding on the slippery slope of sex before marriage or entertain thoughts of another other than our own husband...we are in trouble! Pray, pray, then PRAY some more, seek counseling and accountability, and most importantly get into God's Word so as to flee from the temptation before you. If you have fallen into this sin of adultery or pre-martial sex, you can be redeemed! Amen, thank you Jesus! Repent, seek reconciliation, and move forward. A great book I highly recommended on Sunday, especially for married couples but also great for singles,  is "His Needs, Her Needs" by Williard F. Harley. Check it out! (FYI--Details on the sexual needs of men and women are given.)

Chapter 6:16-19 speaks of the 7 things the Lord hates and finds an abomination. These are strong words and should be taken as such! This key passage shows us what to avoid in order to have relational integrity.  Use the armor of God and the fruit of the Spirit (see Week 2 Recap) to prevent yourself from having 1) a proud/haughty look, 2) a lying tongue, 3) hands that shed innocent blood, 4) a heart that devises wicked plans, 5) feet swift in running to evil, 6) a false witness who speaks lies, and 7) a person who sow discord among brethren (i.e. fellow Christians male and female). Avoid these abominations by praying on the armor of God DAILY so as to protect yourself. In addition, remember the fruit of the Spirit? We all have each of the 9 descriptors of the "fruit" in us, if we are Christians, thanks to the Holy Spirit. We must practice the "fruit" in our lives and in the areas we are weak, we must work on them in order to have the self-control (#9) to remain pure and to maintain our integrity. We also should practice Godly holiness by watching our speech, attire, even our body language. Seek to be above reproach in your daily walk and life. In doing so, you won't be perfect every day but you will become more and more like Jesus and THAT is the goal of our Christian journey!

Chapters 8-9 focus again on wisdom with a comparison of wisdom vs. folly in Chapter 9. In 9:10 we see a correlation to our key verse in the book of Proverbs (1:7):  "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." I don't know about you but this consistency is really driving home for me the importance of a personal relationship with Christ and how that is the bull's eye on the "wisdom target" sort of speak. Wisdom is critical in enabling us as Christian women to gain sexual and relational integrity.